i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
