she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
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We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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