theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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