I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
