I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
