I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
