We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We got so high we made milksteak
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am naked and annoyed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
