Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
