I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
