Too much gin, very little bucket
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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