i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
