Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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