you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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