Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
