so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
