bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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