Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
