I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
