id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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