How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
