wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
