I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
