Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
