life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
