Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
