So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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