xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
