She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
3pm strippers are depressing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
