i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
