Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
