some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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