I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
