If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
