Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
