I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize