Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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