So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
