i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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