We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
