I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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