I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
