i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
