Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
