I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
