Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
