it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
