some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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