all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
