Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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