you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
