If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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