Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
