please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
