just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
