I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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