My underwear smells like fireworks.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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