My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
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You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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