I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
