so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I skipped work to stalk him.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
