You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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