nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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