It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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