The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
