Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
