Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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