I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
