So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
