well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
