Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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