why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
