people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
