I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
