Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
