I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
