i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
