One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
