I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
