I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
