Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
