Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
