Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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