If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
